Hamberg Hijinx

Our drive from Holland back to Germany didn’t really go as planned – knowing we had a decent drive ahead we packed up early and were off. We stopped in at a supermarket for supplies and were then directed by Jim to the A7 – the only road to Hamburg. Problem was it was closed as Groningen for roadworks. So we had to fumble blindly along side roads until we eventually got back on track – about an hour later!

Further along the way Mulder decided to get thirsty and put his fuel light on. No problem we’ll stop at the next petrol station, problem was it wasn’t for 110kms. So we ended up taking a detour along the small country roads praying Jim’s directions would work – always a risky bet.

Eventually we made it to Hamburg but by now it was 4pm too late for any more adventures until the next day.

The Rathaus

Courtyard of the Rathaus

Welcome to the Chilehaus

 After yesterday’s hiccup we needed an early start to catch up on Hamburg. We purchased a 24hour group Hamburg Card – great value and included public transport too and negotiated the bus U and S bahn system of Hamburg.

First stop was the Jungfernsteig home of the Europa Passage – where all the ritzy and famous shops are.

From here we walked into the merchants district to visit one of the city’s most famous building s- the Chille Haus – not sure if it was named because it housed chillies (but I’m gonna go with it)., but it is famed because of its shape – its basically designed to look like a giant brick ocean liner coming to a point at its bow and complete with balconies looking like decks on a ship.

See how it kind of looks like a ship...?

Next was a trip back to the very centre of the city to tour the Rathaus – this I know definitely doesn’t translate to a Rodent House (although some may disagree) but it was actually the town hall – home of the Hamburg parliament and senate. We were led through the very opulent rooms on a guided tour and had it explained that the buildings foundations were actually wooden stilts as Hamburg, like Venice is built on canals ad has a very high water table. Stone foundations would sink but wood if completely covered by water and not exposed to air will not rot. Hence it is extremely important to control the water levels in the city with a series of flood gates.

The stairs to the government chambers

...more governmental rooms

Once finished with all of the serious governmental affairs of Hamburg we were hungry and headed to a local pub on the wharfie side of town for a massive mea of schnitzels and beer – neither of us could finish them!

To continue our sightseeing we had hoped to take a cruise on Hamburg harbour however the only tour in English was at 12noon which we had sadly already missed. On the upside we were forced to take a more upmarket cruise on the Binnenalster and Aussenalster (inner and outer lakes) and the canals of Hamburg.

Dave decides he can be a boat captain

We boarded a St Geog (no “e” – not a typo) steam boat with a flat bottom which allowed us to access some of Hamburgs less accessable canals with many mansions backing onto them, some of Hamburg’s prime realestate. There were also 100’s of locals enjoying the afternoon, rowing the canals and sailing the lakes.

A mini Sydney to Hobart

After seeing some of Hamburg’s glam it was time to see its grunge. We took the U-Bahn to St Pauli to visit Hamburg’s infamous Reeperbahn reportedly Europe’s biggest redlight district. Unfortunately so soon after Amsterdam the place was really cheese and over-rated – like a bigger version of

Cavil Ave

with more beggars and homeless people and their 3-4dogs. We did skip the nearby Herbertstrasse – a street lined with brothels that’s off limits for men under 18years and women of all ages.

Views of the luxury waterside accomodation

Exciting shopping

Outfits for everyone...Including GIANT shoes!

From here we headed home for bed- no dinner still being quite content from our massive lunches.

 

ExtraLARGE lunch!!!!

Groningen

After a sketchy nights sleep we had a late start on our way north to Groningen.

To get there we crossed the Closure Dike – a man made barrier bridge to protect the Northern parts of Holland from floods and tides as apparently the greater percentage of the land mass in Holland is below sea level!

Carpark on the Closure Dike

It was blowing a gale as we stepped out to admire the structure and its history exhibition so we quickly jumped back in the van to carry on.

Nearly getting blown away by the galeforce winds

This is what a dike is

We arrived for lunch in Groningen at the Camping Stadspark and then caught a bus into the city.

Groningen town hall

Once again quiet on a Sunday we were able to stroll around the streets admiring the town’s building especially the palace, church tower, art gallery and surprisingly the central train station. Once again we marveled at the awesome multilevel bike parks – all completely full (no idea where all the people who owned them had gone).

Another bike super park at the train station

After choccy milkshakes and chatting to some US uni students – Groningen being another University town we headed back for an early night.

Crocquettes on the go, the Dutch version of a kebab after a big night out

In the town square for choccy milkshakes

(more) Amsterdam Adventures - Part 2!

 We headed back into the city today to continue getting acquainted with the Dutch ways. This time we took a tram towards the Southern end of town so that we could take a walk along the busy shopping streets of Amsterdam.

The beautiful flower markets in Amsterdam



The city was certainly a lot more crowded on the weekend being a mecca for other European tourists as well as locals.

We went in search of the Van Dobben sandwich shop and found it off on a side laneway. After a frustrating 30min wait to be served ( we think it was a language barrier thing).We got to try some traditional Dutch croquettes and roast beef sandwiches – p.s. they were crazy on the meat but not so crazy on the salads and vegies in Holland, although it was all VERY delicious!

Mmmm Croquette Sandwich!



It may be because they get their fix of their “greens” by other means such as visiting one of the multitudes of coffee shops all around the city but particularly cluster in the alleys around the Dam and Red Light districts. Who would have thought they would offer such extensive menus as well!

Its almost like the milk back home



What goes better with milk than "cookies"

The Dam

Yes they do actually wear clogs!!!

Old people doing dancing and dressed in traditional costume

This is 1 giant clog!

We continued browsing the souvenir shops slowly making our way towards the Oude Kirk, Amsterdam’s original church located smack bang in the middle of the Red Light District. People often mistakenly think it was put there especially for the repentant sinners; however the simple fact of the matter was that it happened to be the centre of the old town in Amsterdam and there was sufficient space to build a church there. It was however thought to improve business for the ladies of pleasure, allowing clients to confess their sins and be home in time for dinner with the wife and kids.

 

Out the front of the PIC

The youngest recruit on our prostetution tour!

We had come to join the Red Light District and prostitution walking tour led by the lovely ladies at the Prostetution Information Centre – all of them ex-pro’s.

The tour took is of course through the streets of the Red Light District along the ay explaining the various do’s and don’ts – the unwritten rule book of the area.

1. No pictures – of the ladies or clients, anonymity is most important for business
2. Don’t block the view of the windows unless you’re planning to buy (or rent as our guide explained).

Cafe, prostitute, bar, prositiute, Dominos pizza, prostitute...
How everyday life mingles with the Red Light District

Other helpful facts:

• We also found out that all the ladies are 100% self employed and are perhaps some of the best business women in the world, they don’t have pimps or madams as we expected (the brothels are a different story though).
• The average age in the area is 35yesrs or a smidge over
• The oldest prostitute is 73(+ or – 5years most likely)
• The oldest ever pro in the area was 83 and had been working in the industry since she was 16 – I would think she would have earned a nice little retirement fund but apparently she worked until the day she died. I can only imagine the circumstances.
• The average time to work as a prostitute is 2yeas
• Most work full time 38 hours per and rent their windows for 8 hours per shift.
• During a shift the average number of clients serviced is 3-30
• The average length of a consultation is 6mins – this includes undressing and dressing – WHAM BAM!
• The going rate starts at 50€ per 15mins and it climbs depending on the complexity (shall we say) of the client’s demands



Dave finds boobs wherever he goes!

 The Red Light district is also one of the most sought after and expensive places to live with people living right above and next to the rosey windows and rooms – hope they have good soundproofing!



The beautiful canals of Amsterdam - middle of the Red Light District - who wouldnt want to live here?

 

"Hey, hey goodlookin'" - do you think he's looking at one of the girls or his own reflection in the window?

It is also one of the safest areas in Amsterdam officially boasting the lowest crime and drug rates. This is because of the strong community ties and close working relationships with the police – the centre attributes this to the legalization and legitimization of the profession. The ladies have fought strongly to have drugs and violence free streets so as not to drive away customers. They also have alert and panic buttons in all of the rooms linked directly with the 4 police stations in the district.

After the fascination of the tour we could take photos of ourselves in the window of the PIC working on our seductive poses.

My Parents would be so proud

Dave's a natural!

Then it was back home to the lovely car park (after a tram trip in completely the wrong direction – whoops_ which was crammed with cars so much so that we nearly couldn’t open Mulder’s doors – Amsterdam on a Saturday night!

Amsterdam Adventures - Part 1!

 Welcome to Amsterdam!

We had a busy day planned for today and luckily the weather seemed to favour our plans.

We caught a tram into the city and headed off for our initial explore.

Once again the capital of Holland lived up to its reputation – bikes (1000’s of them), red lights, pubs (called cafes) and coffee shops (which sell… lets just say they sell more than coffee).

Our barnyard camground - Complete with little gypsy caravans coloured caravans in the distance)



Multistory bike pike at the train station.
That's a lot of bikes!!!

First visions of the Red Light District

We took our first stroll from central station the Dam (large square with Amsterdam’s Palace). This took us directly through the heart of the Red Light District , which let me tell you was fully operational at this time of the morning, although I am sure the quality of the ladies must vary depending on the time of day, as the ones we saw were not real pretty!

An essential in the Erd Light District - The Condom Shop

We eventually made our way safe and sound to the Dam 

In the Dam

We continued along one of the spokes that cuts across the ring shaped canals that encircle the city centre to arrive at Anne Frank House – 267 Prinsengracht. This was the once warehouse of the spice and geletine company owned by Otto Frank (a Jew) who together with his family and 4 other people went into hiding in a secret annex in the top 2 floors during the German occupation of Holland in WWII.

Outside Anne Frank Haus (House)

Unfortunately someone blabbed and they were arrested and all but Otto Frank perished in the concentration camps. The tour took us through the warehouse and offices of the workers (of which only 4 knew about the secret annex) and then had scale models showing the furnishings and layout of the annex. The real furniture was all confiscated by the Nazi.

Otto Frank returned to the factory and established it as a museum in 1960 as well as helping his daughter realize her dream of becoming a published author, publishing her now famous diary of her time in hiding. A very special place.

More of the streets of Amsterdam

And Amsterdam's waterways

Experiment: Cross a tinny with a submarine

After finishing here and requiring a bit more of the lighter side of Amsterdam we traveled by tram to the Heineken Experience at the site of the original Heineken brewery. This was a great interactive tour which included a “Brew You” virtual reality tour where they put you through the brewing and bottling process. We were also able to bottle our own Heineken to keep as a souvenir.

Dave outside the Heineken Brewery

The brewing tank

Our bottle on the shelves

Next it was on to the tasting where we were shown how to drink a beer in 2 simple steps.

Step 1. Look at you beer, admire it, check what it is you’re drinking – this is Amsterdam after all and you don’t want to go round sticking any old thing in your mouth.

Step 2. Take BIG sips – include both the bitter foam and the sweet golden liquid for a true taste appreciation. The beer’s head is there for a reason, not just because the bartender is a cheap Dutch arse-hole! (tour guide, not my words).

Pouring beers

Slight distraction - Obviously Dave had the Camera

 

At the Star Bar learning how to drink beer properly

Finally we arrived at the International Bar where we got to enjoy another 2 glasses of Heineken!

An Ice cold Heineken

Who's excited...

From here it was time to head back to Central Station to meet up with Geert and Kirsten – the Dutch couple we met when camping in Florence. We headed for dinner and a catch up at a restaurant in Rembrantplein before heading on a night-time stroll around the Redlight District – surprisingly not as seedy or scary as I thought it might be and a definite must see.

We said farewell back at the station and then caught the tram back home.

A great night out!

Dave with Geert and Kirsten

Where did you get your clothes...The toilet shop?

Sneeky shots

Amsterdam's red lights

More sneeky shots
The glow in the black light outfits were definately all the rage